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As I left the Bodega and began to walk back towards Matt’s place I reconsidered what I was doing and decided that showing up on Matt’s doorstep, unannounced, wasn’t the best idea I’d had. So with a reluctant hitch in my step I walked past Matt’s little cottage and walked back home, trying to figure out what it was I wanted. Practice for the rest of the week was a comedy of avoidance. I did everything but bury my head in a towel to avoid Matt. I was beginning to feel embarrassed by what had happened, and by my feelings for him and it seemed to me that avoiding Matt was the only way to cope with those feelings. My swimming actually seemed to get better as keeping my face in the water and doing nothing but swimming was the easiest way to avoid him. When Saturday rolled around and it was time for the big meet I was eager and ready to swim. We were competing against the two best teams in the northern half of the state. I’d be competing against a senior who had the best time in the state. He was out with his flight attendant buddies and wanted them to meet me. These men, upon meeting me gave me the “fresh meat” look and told Fred “Nice job!” We drank together while Fred’s friends start singing showtunes as a guy across the bar played the piano. At the end of the night, Fred and I took a cab back to the hotel and have another evening fuckfest before falling asleep. The next day, I confessed to Fred that I wanted something more from him than just casual sex. “Ya, I kinda like you,” I said to him. “I like you too,” he responded. “I know that you don’t like to rush things, but I really want to see where things go between you and I,” I said as I began to stroke his hand. “Baby, you live so far away. Trying to build a relationship just may not work.” Fred said before kissing my hand. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Don’t get me wrong. Fred was right to have his reservations. As someone who had been there and done it all, he was ready to settle down in a simple.
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